To emphasise our committment to health and safety, we have reassessed this year’s Christmas party.
To minimise the risk of accidents occurring whilst you travel to and from the venue we are going to have this year’s Christmas party on Zoom. At 8.00 p.m. you are all invited to log on from the comfort and safety of your living room and enjoy the party.
There are a number of rules if anyone chooses to be with anyone else from the office whilst you are Zooming from home:
There is absolutely not to be alcohol.
We strongly advise against speaking to each other. We have found that as the year progresses people have become significantly more snarky towards each other. If people do not have any verbal contact this will minimise the possibility of workplace bullying and harassment. We are hopeful that this will avoid episodes like the punch up that occurred in the ladies toilets at last year’s Christmas party.
We also strongly advise against looking at each other in any way that may be seen as being sexually inappropriate (hence the ban against alcohol). Please remember whilst on Zoom not to act in any way that may be seen as being sexually suggestive.
If you chose to Zoom alone, there are a number of rules for solo Zoomers:
Please be careful when eating. Each of you will be given a catered gift box of foods chosen specifically to minimise the risk of choking. We have prepared a selection of organic vegetables with no salt or sugar, with a chaser of kiwifruit to ensure that there are no constipatory issues arising out of the work do catering.
A song sheet will be provided. These songs have been carefully chosen to ensure there are no references that could offend anyone in our business or anyone outside our business that might happen to be in any of your houses whilst you are Zooming.
Just so you can start practising we have organised for Mike to learn on the ukulele the following songs and it will be jolly good fun that we all join in:
- You are my Sunshine (no sorry, scrap that - appears to have an overtone of stalking).
- Kumbayah (no sorry, that’s got God in it).
- John Lennon’s classic Happy Christmas War is Over (wait no, can’t have war, far too violent).
On second thoughts - we will not sing.
Anyway we really look forward to a fantastic Christmas party this year. The GM’s speech will be at 8.15 p.m. which is currently being checked by our external lawyer to ensure appropriateness. The Zoom party will conclude at 9.00 o’clock.
Final word – if anyone chooses to do anything after the Zoom session finishes, that is completely out of our control and you should have your own health and safety procedures and insurance.
Merry Christmas!
